the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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