Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
