Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
