Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
