so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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