Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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