i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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