What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
