1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize