I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
