I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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