I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
