So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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