I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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