uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
