I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
as a side note pls kill me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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