First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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