chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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