I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
