this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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