meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
