I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize