i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
