You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
