Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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