how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
