Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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