help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
