You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
