I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
