Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
