All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize