This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
