Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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