Betty ford says i'm here all night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
