this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
