Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
