so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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