I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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