Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
