I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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