belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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