Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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