Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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