i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
