He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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