I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
