You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
