i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
