ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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