Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
