ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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