And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
