I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
