The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
