And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
