haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just pee around me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Randomize
