what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
