oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
