we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
