i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
