Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
