I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
