Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
