if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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