I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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