I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
