I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
