they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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