the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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