Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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