I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
