he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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