So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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