i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
